Writer Brian Michael Bendis
Art Sara Pichelli, Mahmud Asrar, Stuart Immonen, Kris Anka, Chris Bachalo, David Marquez, Frazer Irving
Inks Wade von Grawbadger, Tim Townsend, Mark Irwin
Color Art Marte Gracia, Jason Keith, Chris Bachalo, Frazer Irving
Cover Art Chris Bachalo
Lettering & Production VC’s Joe Caramagna
Six months after it was suppose to come out, we get Bendis’ final issue of Uncanny X-Men! Though I can’t go on, too much, as this came out in November and I’m now reviewing this in February!
Last time in Uncanny X-Men – Cyclops tried to have a mutant revolution and it went nowhere, after one campus visit. Colossus was mad at his younger sister, as she could have undid Juggolosuss, at any time, but let him keep dmaning himself. Also, Teen Jean Grey forced Teen Iceman to admit to being “full gay.”
Jean Grey School. Storm has asked Beast to come to the cafeteria.
Note Kitty’s sweet space outfit, it will chance from time to time, even though it shouldn’t.
Look how sad or determined people look in this room. Doop doesn’t want to be there.
Iceman announces, like an idiot, that he didn’t want to do this. Kitty, regretting ever making out with the guy, gets the show back on track.
Beast picks up, immediately, that this is an intervention. Which I like how the X-Men finally got around to pointing out to Beast, how off the tracks, he has been. If only Beast had drank, smoked or whatever he means by dating (do people get interventions for dating?) those people can rationalize.
Instead, he has decided to break the laws of – physics, space-time continuum and genetics. One is bad, but one has to be triple threat, to be this ridiculous.
I wish I could tell who did these pages. I can’t distinguish Pichelli or Marquez’s art, for whatever reason. There are seven artists (minus inkers and colorists) but I can tell who the five artists are. Does anyone know which pages were which? I imagine I’m just not telling when they switched, during the intervention.
Beast, only a minute into this, has decided that this is really . . . a trial!
20 Minutes Ago. These pages, are done by Kris Anka.
Colossus, in classic Claremont fashion, destroys a tree! Kitty teases him about it, so that’s pretty great. Also, Kitty is in her classic X-Men outfit.
What does Colossus have on his butt!?!
These two do talk, like they have known each other for years. Like they have gone through some shit together – which they totally have.
Colossus turns the conversation to Kitty’s engagement. She’s surprised the news has made it back to Earth. Which I imagine, it would has Teen Angel came back with a brand new look. Kitty’s engagement would have to be mentioned, as one of the three highlights of Black Vortex.
Kitty hints that Illyana is here to talk to her brother, so he calls her out.
I like how awkward the Rasputin siblings are, it has been too long since they have talked. Illyana, showing some real vulnerability, admits that she has been training with Doctor Strange.
The faces that Colossus and Kitty make, what is that look? Surprised, mixed with disgust? They look, clearly taken back by the revelation.
It is astonishing that Xavier didn’t try to hook Illyana with Doctor Strange or Agatha Harkness, or anyone who is magically inclined. I guess, as there isn’t that many mutants who also use magic, he didn’t know who to reach out too. It isn’t like Amanda Sefton was an expert in the field – at that time. I’m pretty sure Scarlet Witch was still mostly mutant hex powers than sorcery
Colossus tells her to stop.
Bendis really excels with the whole, how people read a comic. As this is a great use of a page flip.
Colossus gives his little snowflake a much deserve hug! Look how happy Magik is!
Kitty announces that Storm is summoning them, and Magik teleports them away. So when did Kitty change outfits? This will happen, one more time.
Illyana joke that Colossus should make a move and stop the wedding, but he’s cool. Is he still dating Domino? I hope he is.
Back at the trial! Storm hints that people have approached Beast about these issues, but he ignores them and keeps on trucking. It was this or have SHIELD arrest him, which I’m sure SHIELD isn’t in the game of arresting Avengers – not with Steve Rogers running the place.
Beast keeps going on about Scott Summers.
Emma steps in, which is smart to have Storm, Emma and Kitty being the ones to do most of the talking. He relates to those three on different levels. Emma likes how this situation should embarrass and shame Beast, maybe the last tactic, will be the one that works.
Beast tries to explain himself. His ideas are so advanced, that he can’t explain himself – which is a bunch of shit. He knew no one would clear his decision to mess up the time stream and bring the Original Five X-Men to the present, so he just goes ahead and does it.
The Icemans (Icemen?) start saying the same thing, at the same time.
Which transitions us to Mahmud Asrar pages. The pages that deal with Teen Bobby talking to his present older self – which Teen Jean, in tow. Iceman makes short work of Cyclops’ new students, they didn’t really get much fighting experience.
Teen Bobby comes out to Iceman (that’s how I’m going to distinguish them). Teen Bobby asks if Iceman is gay too. I do like how Teen Bobby’s motivation to coming out to his older self, is that he doesn’t want to live in the closet, but he realizes how complicated that would make things, for his older self.
Iceman, without missing a beat, tells Jean that this is why no one likes her. Which is completely true! Teen Bobby tries to defend her, saying that people like her too much. Which I imagine is hard to prove. Who would like Teen Jean Grey? She makes poor decision, after poor decision.
Iceman doesn’t understand how his younger self is more put together than he is. Iceman tries to explain he decisions. He was persecuted for being a mutant and an X-Man, he wanted a part of his life that he could just live like a normal person. So he kept himself busy, too busy, to be gay. I guess I can understand that, but it does seem like he went out of his way to get some beards. He dated Opal for like six years! But that does happen.
Irritatingly, Teen Bobby asks Iceman what he is thinking. Instead of giving him a second to answer, Jean goes ahead and reveals what Iceman is thinking – as that worked out so well, before. If he isn’t being selfish to wanting to commit energy into making himself happy, instead of being an X-Man. Which makes sense, as one of the Original Five, he has seen how – once you are an X-Man, that’s pretty much all you are. If you try to do a side project, it will eventually bring you back to the team.
To end on a light note, Teen Bobby asks if Iceman finds Angel cute, which he does. Which is super weird, as the Angel he knows, has gone through the frying pan! I’m sure he hasn’t thought he was cute, since his original Archangel days.
Iceman wants to hug Jean but she doesn’t like how the code makes her front parts. oh Jean, you are the worst. So she gives him a mental hug, which feels nice – apparently. They are summoned to Storm.
Back at the Trial. Storm keeps coming at him. Out of nowhere, he was going to bring up that she married Black Panther, as if that has anything to do with this. Classic deflection! Plus, her decision affected, like no one. Even the people in Wakanda just saw it as an opportunity to have a party and then things were back to normal. Well, besides, Doomwar but that would have happened if Storm wasn’t there.
Beast doesn’t want to be blamed for Future Beast’s issues (from Battle of the Atom and that sequel story), as he also tampered with time and furthering his mutation. He gave himself goat legs, that have only worked for Illyana!
Dazzler, wanting to get involved, points out that Dark Beast tried to kill them, in the X-Men versus SHIELD arc. Which I had forgotten about, already. Probably as that reveal, was essentially “insert any villain” here.
Kitty just wants to be in the conversation, Beast can’t just keep doing whatever.
The New Xavier School. Location Sercret. (Still?) 40 Minutes Ago. (as they have to account for the Icemans segment). These pages are brought to us by Stuart Immonen, Wade von Grawbadger and Marte Gracia. Also, Joe Caramagna, but he does all of the lettering and production, for this extra sized issue.
The All New X-Men, including Cosmic Upgrade Angel and X23 (pre-All New Wolverine) are relaxing on the grass. Which last time they tried this, Bobby tried to comment on how attractive Illyana was and Jean told him how full gay he was and determined how he should categorize himself.
Jean wants a break, from being an X-Man. Cyclops got to have his own adventure, and she wants to see how she should define herself. Which is super ironic. Jean wants to train more, and fight less – which makes sense. Angel agrees, he wouldn’t mind some off time. He just wants to date X23, some more – I bet! Bobby wants some of Angel’s money, which I’m pretty sure NuAngel, has squandered all of that money, as he didn’t know how to spend it. Where is that guy, these days?
Hank walks away, realizing that he broke up the X-Men. Jean confronts him and FINALLY has the conversation they should have had, since Battle of the Atom, when the two kissed! Or, in that event, he didn’t want to run away with her, so she took Scott, instead. Hank is worried, about how much they have changed, in only a few months.
Jean has been reading Hank’s mind, she knows that he has been waiting for this moment and now, she is ready for it. Jean and Hank made out and in full view of Scott, who isn’t happy! Did Scott have a space honey? I thought I read somehow that he did meet a space pirate princess, or some such title.
I’m glad these little segments exist, as this non-trial would be hard to read, otherwise.
Back at the trial. Storm tells Beast that she loves him but he tells her that this isn’t love. Which is classic intervention! From what I imagine. Kitty and Illyana both tell him, that this is love. I like to think that Illyana saying it, is what makes him go quiet.
Beast turns to Young Hank, and asks how he is just standing there. Hank doesn’t like it, the Original Five X-Men were brought here, based on a lie. There was no mutant genocide. Beast tries to say that there would have been, but he stopped it by bringing the Original Five X-Men to the present. Which seems silly.
Beast goes on about Scott Summers, again.
Everyone is so tired of Beast and his breakup with Scott Summers. Beast starts walking away, he is done.
Kitty volunteers to follow Beast but Benjamin gets paged. Cerebro has picked up a unique signature, which seems weird as who it is, shouldn’t be a new detection. Unless it got a new setting or was doing a search for him, but we don’t get any additional information on that front.
This mutant is in Washington DC. Illyana teleports the entire school to the capital.
So Cyclops is in Washington DC! Also there, Kitty, back in her classic X-Men costume. What is she doing!?!
Cyclops makes a point of saying that the X-Men are the last mutants to arrive. He has gathered all of these mutants, to one location. I’m not sure he forced Mystique or Sabretooth, to be there or any of the other villains.
Look how cute Doop is!
Oh, these pages are brought to us by Chris Bachalo, Tim Townsend and Mark Irwin. I imagine Jason Keith, like Caramagna, colors the rest of the issue – outside of Immonen, Bachalo and Irving’s part (which is the last pages).
Cyclops has to explain, that he misused the word – revolution – or that he simply failed at having a unified vision.
Cyclops has clearly lost it, as he states how Washington DC is the heart f everything democratic and good. Maybe democratic, but good? That seems silly.
The real revolution is that all the mutants can be in one location and not be fighting. Just then, Magneto arrives and people are worried that this will spark a race riot. He lands and says how crazy this plan is, but Xavier would have loved it. Which makes Cyclops smile.
The last two pages, are brought to us by Frazer Irving. Tempus talks to Beast, wondering if this is the Trial of Henry McCoy, as she has been foretold about it, three times. I’m not sure what she means with this – because if this was it . . . what do you do with what happened today?” Like, there are too many words or too few words. I’m not sure what she also means “and if this wasn’t it . . . ” I get that she is trying to indicate that things are going to get much worst,
What I’m getting at, is this – the issue ends on not a great note but the rest of it, was pretty good.
There is a nice letter by Bendis. He teases that Goldballs is going to show up in Miles Morales’ Spider-Man title, that I didn’t know, and that Bendis is taking Kitty Pryde, with him, to Guardians of the Galaxy, which I did know about.
For some reason, the Iceman story from Bizarre Adventures 27 is reprinted. There isn’t anything, that I can see, that tells you where that story is originally printed or why it was included, but that’s what that story is.
Bleeding Cool News believes that the story was reprinted due to Iceman commenting on how pretty Angel is. So it is canon, I suppose. Still weird that there wasn’t an introduction page to set up the backup story.